Is this Comedy? A very special Familiar of Zero story
by Mister Law Horror
Summary: Saito is forced to face the darkest part of his darling's heart. Nothing will ever be the same.


**Is this comedy?**

**A dramatic writing by Mr Ugg**

The morning dew was soaked up by the thick orange and green pastures in the grounds at the Tristain Academy of Magic. Saito, the young familiar to the Noble Louise, was assorting and folding her clothes. He felt his finger run through the final item, a small, delicate blouse to fit a delicate girl. It was white silk, specially tailored from her figure, this was not any ordinary school uniform, and this was the _noble _uniform.

A small tear came to his eye in appreciation, "Good shirt" he whispered

The door creaked open, his master Louise had her current blouse ragged with the string that wraps into a bow undone. She rested on the side of the door; in one hand was a bottle of Jack Daniels. She brought the bottle to her lips and skulled the last of it down.

"L-Louise, wh-what are you doing? Is that booze?"

Louise said nothing. Only a disgruntled frown upon her face spoke of her ire.

"L-Louise, what did you do to your shirt? And your pants? They're both wrecked!"

Saito leapt up and strode towards her.

"Let's get that filthy thing away before someone sees it"

Louise let out a low growl.

"L-Louise?"

"Its _Master _you baka!" She screamed

She held the bottle up before he could take it away.

"Louise what are you doing?"

SMASH!

Louise, with all her might, belted Saito over his forehead with the bottle.

Lights flashed like cameras in a crowd.

Transparent squiggly lines waved through Saito's eyesight.

He felt himself floating in the air, only for gravity to send him down to the cold wooden floor.

THUMP

Saito let out a squeak, only to have the bottle smash into his face once more.

"AAGGHH! Louise! Please stop!"

Louise sat on him; her legs spread and firmly dug her hard black heels into his arms.

"Don't tell me what to do!" she slurred

The next thing Saito remembered was a heavy blow on his nose and dark orange pieces of searing hell slicing into his skull…

A DAY LATER…

Saito's eyes felt like they were attached to sandbags, he slowly lifted them and his eyesight adjusted to the room. A beautiful orange sunset poured through the window.

It took him a while to gain enough energy to do anything, he noticed his lungs had air blown into him mechanically and an IV drop was puncturing his wrist.

He asked the most obvious question out loud, "Where am I?"

"Good, you're awake, the doctors said it was a miracle you survived that surgery, let alone become comatose" said a quiet yet dominating, feminine voice.

"...huh?"

A blurred woman came into his view. Judging by her lightly tanned skin, she may have been of Spanish decent (whatever the Halkeginia equivalent was, he did not know). Her shortish hair bangs lightly touched the tip of her glasses. She had a warm reliving smile on her face.

"Mister Saito Hiraga, how do you feel?" she said

_Like an elephant sat on my back while sinking into a pool of razors._

He could only moan

"You will feel better soon" she stated, "Now, My name is Detective Nina Holland for the Halklegina anti-domestic violence committee…It …it may be hard for you to understand right now, do you remember anything that happened yesterday?"

Saito's eye widened, the swollenness made him suffer just a little bit more.

"Wh-wha…"

"Your girlfriend was it? A Louise Valliere. I will tell you that she has currently been arrested however, for the benefit of our committee and your own safety…do you remember what happened?"

_The Anger. The Torture. The Glass. The Pain._

His lips quivered and he felt his hands shaking. No! Shut up! Be a man. He wasn't going to show weakness in front of anyone. Harden up, softy! He must look strong even if he felt so hollow and thin he could shatter at any second. No! He is a man, no matter how many times he is beaten.

_What are you, some pussy fag?_

"Fucking hell, why did she do that to me…" Saito whimpered, forcing back the tears in his eyes.

Nina Holland was a small, very non-threatening woman, just like Louise. Louise was a dragon with the appearance of a bunny. Saito shifted awkwardly in his bed. Nina nodded and backed away a bit. She could instantly tell that the man couldn't deal with a woman of her stature at the moment. A man of African descent came along with a box of tissues. Saito generously dug into the box and wiped his eyes.

_Covering his face from the shame._

"Detective" the man spoke, "We can come back later if that's okay with you, Mister Saito?"

Saito didn't reply.

The two left the room. The door shut behind them and the room fell silent, except for the beeping sound of the heart monitor. He lay there just wondering what the hell just happened to him.

Beside him lay a small mirror, he brought it to his face.

A thick bandage wrapped around his face.

His shaking hand feverishly pulled it apart.

He gasped.

His face had been turned into a war zone: Two large mother scars accompanied by their children. Little stitching poked around his right cheek. His eft etye was fine, his right eye swollen and battered.

His face now looked less like Picasso's _Garçon à la pipe _and now more _Guernica._

_I…I did love her. I still do! She just, gets a bit angry at times, she needs to drink, its therapeutic! She gets stressed, this makes her happy! This was like, the only time, ever, this ever happened. Other than a few little things here and there. I mean, I get why she hit me. Hey, sometimes I can be an asshole too! Well, I don't really know why this time but she would have a good reason. In fact, it was a playful tiff! That would be it; she didn't mean to hit me so hard! It was an accident!_

He kept thinking such thoughts for the next few hours.

This is where we leave our hero.

All you got to think to yourself now is…

_Is this comedy?_

**_The End_**

**(A/N: I just wanted to write this story to comment on the bitter unrealistic values that a man can be beaten and simply shrug it off in anime. **

**But fo' sho' Domestic Violence knows no gender. For every woman abused in a relationship, a man is abused too. This can take form of bullying, physical violence of verbal abuse. If you are a man or woman who believes they are in a rough relationship, don't be afraid to seek out help from a friend or even a stranger. Even for a talk, they'll be there for you. And remember kids, Tsunderes are cute when they're pissed. But no one, even Tsunderes, have the right to hit or yell. That's no good)**

**And because I'm a nice troll:**

**{Both Sites are Australian Based, so they may not be available to other countries}**

**Here's a helpful site for dudes:**

.au/

**For the Ladies:**

.au/


End file.
